Since He Really Feels (He Feels) Read online

  Lindsay was feisty, but I didn’t think she’d confront Jules at her own engagement party. After the way she’d shown up at my apartment in San Diego and our nearly catastrophic end before we had really gotten started, I knew that Lindsay was ready to kick Julianne’s teeth in.

  And I didn’t blame her.

  Jules had been acting impulsively ever since she started dating Nick, really, but if she wanted to marry the guy and he wanted to marry her, that was their prerogative. I wasn’t going to be an obstacle in their way because I had moved on. Whether or not the two of them had done the same remained to be seen.

  “I like it when you say sweet shit like that to me.”

  I laughed and pushed my now forming erection into her hips. “I like it when your tongue is in my mouth.” I bent again and pressed my lips to hers.

  “I like it when your hands are on my hips.”

  I trailed my hands from her back down to her hips, and then I moved my lips against her ear and whispered, “I like it when your hands are on my cock.”

  She smacked me in the arm with a giggle, but I wasn’t joking. “Trav, not in your parents’ house.”

  “What are we, seventeen? It’s happening, Gorgeous. Better get used to the idea now.”

  I saw her cheeks turn pink. “You’re crazy.”

  “Crazy in love.”

  “And cheesy.”

  “Cheesy in love.”

  She laughed. The laughing was getting me where I wanted to be, which was buried deep inside of her.

  “Trav, we just got here. I can’t just strip down and let you fuck me. Your parents are literally right underneath us. They’ll hear.”

  “I can be quiet.” I knew what would get her to change her mind, so I pulled her hips against me as I ran my tongue from behind her ear down her neck and into the soft v-neck of her shirt before kissing my way up her throat back to her lips.

  She moaned softly, and I felt her defenses weakening. She wanted it as much as I did, and it wouldn’t be long before she gave into it.

  My tongue collided and twisted with hers as my fingers trailed from her hips up to her ribs and landed on her breasts. Another soft moan escaped her, and that one sweet sound was my ticket in.

  I trailed a hand down from her breast, past her perfect abdomen, down to her jeans. I touched her body exactly as I knew she liked it, and then I pulled back from her mouth, my hands still on her body.

  She opened her eyes and looked at me, and hers were dark with lust.

  “Yeah?” I asked.

  She nodded, and my mouth crashed back down to hers with the silent nod of approval. I was in.

  I dropped my jeans as she stripped out of hers, and then I urged her legs around my waist, our favorite position to fuck in. I leaned her back against the wall and lowered her petite frame down onto the very ready and waiting TJ (or Travis Junior, as I referred to him in my mind).

  She was still wearing her shirt; one of my favorite parts of this position was watching her tits bounce in my face, but I didn’t care. Just being with her was all I needed. I wanted to reassure her that she was the only woman I loved.

  I drove into her warmth, already well aware that this was the last woman I would ever fuck. Something about her filled a piece of me that had been empty until I’d met her, and as I thrust up into her and watched as she started to come apart, I felt my own imminent release. Her body gripped me tightly and pulsed around me as her orgasm ripped through her, pushing me into my own explosion.

  I pressed my body into hers up against the wall, her arms tight around my shoulders as I buried my face in her neck, both of us coming down from our highs.

  I blew out a satisfied breath, and she giggled.

  “What?” I asked, our bodies still connected.

  “I can’t believe you talked me into doing that five minutes after we got to your parents’ house.”

  I chuckled and lifted her off of me, setting her down. We both sat on the bed for a minute to regain our breath and our composure.

  “After the way you were teasing me the entire six hour car ride here, you know you had it coming.”

  “Teasing?”

  I narrowed my eyes at her.

  “Talking about blow jobs and then claiming it was too bright out for road head?”

  She giggled.

  “Let’s get one thing straight, Gorgeous.”

  “What’s that?”

  “When we leave Sunday, I guarantee that at least an hour of our car ride will be in complete darkness.”

  Her laugh was like music to me. “Deal.”

  We got dressed and headed back downstairs to help where we could.

  I felt confident that things were fine between us, and then I saw Lindsay pull Julianne into the house during the party.

  I had no idea what the two women said to one another, but my curiosity was definitely piqued.

  And then I spotted Nick Matthews, captain of the douches, drinking a beer with his brother. I knew at some point during the night, I’d need to talk to him. I just wasn’t sure when, and I had no idea what the fuck I was going to say to him.

  CHAPTER 13

  NICK MATTHEWS

  I was pretty impressed with myself for keeping the engagement party a secret. When Pam had first contacted me about it, I was hesitant about the location. I didn’t like the idea of immersing Julianne in her past, especially not so soon after she had been with Travis and the way things had ended between them. But Pam assured me that it would be fine; she told me the Millers had an incredible house and that Mrs. Miller had offered to hold the party there. Since they were family friends to the family I’d be marrying into, I had to suck it up and get over it.

  I was concerned with the idea from the start, but how do you turn down the offer of an engagement party?

  When my eyes found Travis in the crowd of people, it took every ounce of self control I had not to cause a scene. My first thought was what nerve this guy had. First he came to my office to tell me he’d slept with Julianne, and now he had the balls to show up at our engagement party?

  I didn’t care that the party was being held at his parents’ house. He had no right to be there, yet he was.

  His attendance ignited my anxiety. I finally made Julianne see what an obstacle he’d been for us, and here he was, right back in front of us.

  I glanced back at my fiancée. I needed to be inside of her from the moment I saw her in her little white dress. She was always beautiful, but something about her choosing a white dress to wear, not knowing that it was for an engagement party, spoke to something deep inside of me. I thought about her being my wife and what that meant. While I’d come from a fairly fucked up family that she still didn’t know much about, to me, marriage was once and forever. Divorce would never be an option, and after seeing Julianne’s parents and meeting her sister and Brandon, I knew that she felt the same. She came from a family so different from mine, and suddenly it was something I wanted to be a part of.

  I wanted to raise children who would always know that their parents loved them, and I wanted to bring children into the world with a woman who wouldn’t desert them when they needed her. Despite any mistakes she had made in our short history together, I knew that Julianne would make a wonderful mother; that had never once come into question, and that was something very important to me.

  I at least owed Julianne the chance to meet my mother, but I wasn’t ready for it. Not yet. Not when the shit that went down at Christmas was still so fresh, and not after the argument we’d gotten into. I still hadn’t spoken to my mother because breaking the silence would mean I would have to be the one to reach out. I was fucking tired of being the one to reach out. She was the mother, not me. This one was on her.

  So when I saw Julianne in that white dress and all of that ran through my mind, I knew that there was no way I’d be able to wait until I got her home to bury myself inside of her. As we stood connected in the hallway after our fiery moment together, all I could think about was how
much I loved her. I didn’t care that she’d made mistakes, because I’d made some, too.

  Part of loving everything about another person was accepting them, mistakes and all, and forgiving them for those mistakes.

  And so I had.

  Or, at least I thought I had.

  I was trying to get over the fact that she’d gone to visit Travis against my wishes. I felt more settled after I took her in the hallway. Something about that contact with her always relaxed me. I felt restless until I covered her body with mine.

  So after we took a moment to cool down and she led me to the restroom where we could both clean up a bit, we headed back outside, hand-in-hand, to mingle with our guests. I’d hoped to have some time to make the rounds with my fiancée, but the moment we walked back out through the doors, she was pulled into a conversation with some woman I didn’t recognize while I was pulled in another direction to talk to Bree.

  It was risky inviting people from our new team in terms of how Julianne would see it, but I wanted her to see that she had nothing to worry about. I wanted everyone to know that I was committed to my relationship with her, so I thought it was important to invite the people we worked with.

  “Nick, you are looking simply edible tonight,” Bree’s voice rasped at me. I inwardly rolled my eyes. Did this shit actually work on men? Because it wasn’t working on me. She wasn’t Julianne, and I would never see her as anything more than a colleague.

  “You’re lovely yourself. Thanks for coming,” I said, trying to maintain some semblance of professionalism as her hand found my arm. The look in her eyes told me that she wanted me. The thought of what I just did to Julianne in the hallway flickered through my mind, and suddenly I was raring to go again. Goddamn, that was a hot minute in the hallway.

  “I wouldn’t miss it,” she said, grinning her widest smile at me. I glanced around the party, wondering who I could pawn her off on without insulting her. The only person in the vicinity who could handle her was Cash, but he was off dancing.

  “Listen, I’m going to make the rounds. I’ll see you, okay?” I was trying to be polite, but she wasn’t removing her hand from my arm. She ran her hand up and squeezed my bicep, and her eyes widened when she felt the hardness of it.

  “I’ll be waiting,” she murmured.

  Great.

  I headed toward the bar again, and I was stopped, this time by a man I didn’t recognize. “Are you having a good time?” he asked with a smile. He acted like I should know him, and I wondered if he was a relative of Julianne’s. An uncle, maybe?

  “Yes, sir. This is a wonderful party.”

  “I hate to talk shop in the middle of a party, but I have a business proposition for you.”

  Who the hell was this guy? “Oh?” I asked, always ready to talk shop, even at a party in my own honor.

  “You recently moved companies, correct?”

  I nodded. “Yes. I’m over at BKG Marketing now.”

  He nodded, encouraging me to continue.

  “It’s only been a few weeks, but I’m very happy so far.” It wasn’t entirely true. I could sense that Julianne missed McMillan, and I was kind of in the same boat. There was so much about BKG that was fantastic and upscale and just so much better than McMillan, but it didn’t have that same feeling of familiarity. Of family. I always felt at home with McMillan, but I didn’t get that sense yet with my new company. I figured it was just being in a new place. I’d get over it.

  “Did Davidson finally chase you out of McMillan?”

  I gave the man a curious look.

  “I know him and I’m not a fan. Listen, Nick, have you ever thought about going into business for yourself?”

  Again I wondered who this man was, and I wasn’t sure how much to divulge. The Davidson comment was interesting for sure, but I didn’t want to admit my personal ambitions to someone I didn’t know. What if he was someone from BKG that I was supposed to know? I carefully crafted my answer. “I can’t think of many successful businessmen who haven’t considered that possibility at some point.”

  He smiled at me. “Good answer, Mr. Matthews.”

  “Thank you, sir,” I said. At this point, it was just awkward to even ask his name since he knew me by both first and last name.

  “All of my business cards are in my car, but I’ll grab one and track you down before the end of the night. I’d like you to contact my office and set up an appointment for a little venture I’m considering.”

  I nodded, curious. “Sounds great. I’ve got some time midweek if that works for you.”

  “Perfect. I’m looking forward to it,” he said, shaking my hand and heading off. I followed him with my eyes for a moment, and then my brother and Eric bumped into me with a fresh beer and I was distracted from my thoughts about who the hell he was.

  “So, when’s the bachelor party?” Josh asked with a grin.

  I shrugged. “I don’t need one.”

  “Shut the fuck up. I’m either taking you to the strip club or hiring a stripper to come to us.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Not interested.”

  “Fucking liar. Every man is interested.”

  “You know, I used to think that too. Until I met Julianne.”

  “So you don’t think she’ll have some wild bachelorette party with cocks hanging out everywhere?”

  I tried to picture that, but I couldn’t imagine it. I shook my head, laughing with my brother at his total irreverence, and then he glanced behind my shoulder and immediately sobered.

  I turned my head and followed his line of sight, and my own laughter immediately ceased as Travis Miller stood in front of me.

  CHAPTER 14

  TRAVIS MILLER

  He really looked like he wanted to kick my ass.

  The last time I’d spoken to the guy, it had been when I went to his office to let him know just exactly what had transpired between his fiancée and me.

  I got it. If some guy came in proclaiming that he had slept with Lindsay, I’d be ready to pound him into the ground, even if it was before she and I had gotten together. So I didn’t really blame Nick for wanting to do the same to me. But the only way we’d ever get past this bullshit was if one of us made the first move.

  And I had enough pride to be the one to step up to the plate first.

  Maybe my internal motivation was to show this douche canoe up. If I let him come to me first, he’d be the bigger man.

  I wasn’t about to let him be the bigger man.

  We all knew I was the… you know… bigger man. I could just tell in the way Jules’s eyes widened when we’d messed around. She’d seen me many times before, but it had been awhile. I could just tell that I was more endowed than her fiancé. But that was beside the point.

  Or was it?

  “Congratulations, Nick.”

  He narrowed his eyes at me. “Thanks.”

  “Hell of a party.”

  He nodded.

  Apparently he was a man of few words. To me, this was at odds with what Julianne liked in a man, but it didn’t really matter what I thought anymore.

  “You just come in for the weekend?” he finally asked, at least attempting conversation.

  “Coincidental. We came so I could introduce Lindsay to my family as a surprise. It happened to be the same weekend as your party. For obvious reasons, no one in my family told me there was a party going on.”

  “Are the reasons really that obvious?”

  I shrugged. “Not anymore. They didn’t know about Lindsay.”

  “And that’s going well?” He was hedging and I knew it. He wanted information. He wanted to know that I wasn’t going to be a threat anymore. But it wouldn’t matter. I knew how it felt to share Julianne’s heart with another man, and I knew from the look on her face all night long that I still held real estate there.

  As I glanced across the yard and saw Lindsay, though, I was certain that I no longer felt those same emotions for Julianne.

  “That’s going well, yes.” I nodded to
emphasize my words.

  “Good.”

  “Dude, I know Jules and I have a history, but it’s over with us.”

  I looked across the yard at Julianne, and Nick’s eyes followed my line of sight.

  “I hope you mean that.”

  “I do. She belongs with you.”

  He looked over at me and managed a smile. “Yeah, she does.”

  “I wish you both the best. Really.”

  “I appreciate that.”

  “Take care of her, man.”

  He pressed his lips together. “I will.”

  And just at that moment, the woman of the hour approached us. I hadn’t spoken to her since she left my place in San Diego, and I found myself a little nervous for this confrontation. I glanced around for Lindsay, wanting to feel her next to me so that she could witness this exchange, too.

  CHAPTER 15

  JULIANNE BECKER

  My aunt had caught up with me, and she was the type of person who didn’t leave enough room in the conversation for anyone to jump in and end it. So I was trapped by my Aunt Maggie, my dad’s sister, talking about very specific flowers that I absolutely “have to have” in my bouquet, while I eyed Nick from across the yard. He was standing over by the bar with his brother, and I saw Nick throw his head back, laughing at whatever his brother had just said. His carefree laughter made me feel a little lighter after the heavy couple of weeks we’d been through. I returned my gaze to my aunt to make her feel like I was paying attention to what she was saying, but she lost me somewhere between boutonniere and stephanotis.

  When I glanced back at Nick, he wasn’t smiling anymore, and Travis stood opposite him.

  Aunt Maggie paused to take a breath, and I nabbed my chance. “I better go mingle. Thanks for the chat, Aunt Maggie,” I said, plastering on a fake smile. She leaned in and kissed my cheek, and then I bolted as politely as I could.

  I navigated a path toward Nick, but I was stopped on the way, this time by Holly and Andrew. “We’re going to take off. Congratulations again,” she said, pulling me into a hug. “I’m so happy for you.”