Since He Really Feels (He Feels) Read online

  “What are we doing here?” I asked.

  “I told Kathy we’d stop by so she can see your engagement ring and meet Nick,” my mom explained. “Then we’ll head out to dinner.”

  It seemed strange to me, but whatever. Parents did strange things sometimes.

  “She told us to meet them in the backyard,” my mom said, so we walked around the side of the house and through the gate to the backyard. They’d put in some adorable tiki torches, and the fire lit up the walkway down the side of their enormous house to the backyard. I was always in awe of their house, but tonight their yard looked extra special. Italian lights created a soft glow in the early dusk, almost like they had decorated it for a party.

  And then I heard the large group of people gathered there yell, “Surprise!”

  It took a moment for me to comprehend what was going on, and then I recognized almost every person gathered before me.

  I saw Jamie and Brandon and their two kids first. Then I saw Lucy and Jake, Holly and Andrew, Greg and Maria, Malcolm and Brenda. Aunts, uncles, and cousins. Josh and Tessa, Eric and his date. Travis’s parents and his sister, Liz, and her husband, Wes, and their kids were there. I saw the people from my new work, including Cash and Bree, who stood next to each other. Cash was smiling, and Bree had an evil gleam in her eye that left me feeling a little tense. There had to be fifty or more people gathered in the Millers’ backyard, all there for Nick and me.

  And, finally, in the very back of the gathering, I saw Travis and Lindsay, the girl I’d seen him with in his San Diego apartment.

  My heart skipped a beat when my eyes met his. He looked especially handsome, a term I’d never really associated with him. He had always been easy on the eyes, but in the past, he’d always looked like my friend Travis. Tonight, though, something was different. He looked happier than I’d ever seen him, and maybe that’s what I found so attractive. Or maybe it was because I knew that I could no longer have him, at least not in the way that he’d always wanted me. Everyone knows that you always want what you can’t have, right? Not that I wanted Travis, really, but maybe somewhere deep down inside, I had always known how he really felt about me, and maybe it always comforted me to know how much he loved me.

  Now it just felt like he’d replaced that love for me with love for someone else.

  And as I saw his eyes break from mine to look at her, I knew that whatever feelings he’d harbored for me were over and done. The love in his eyes for her was palpable even from where I stood, and while the knowledge that he was over me hit me with a deep ache, I knew that the man whose hand was laced through mine would make it all better. It wasn’t even a contest between them; only Nick would forever hold my heart, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t miss my friendship with Travis like crazy.

  I turned, stunned, and looked at Nick. “Did you know about this?” I whispered through the smile plastered on my face.

  The yells of “Surprise” died down and everyone in front of us started clapping. I heard someone start clinking a glass, the universal signal for the bride and groom to kiss at a wedding reception. Nick’s hazel eyes glittered in the light of the torches that were everywhere, and he smiled his devastatingly beautiful smile at me. He nodded, and then he leaned in and kissed me.

  Even in the midst of our family and friends, the people most important in the world to us, every coherent thought left my mind when his lips found mine. It was a sweet kiss, a kiss appropriate in front of parents, yet it was a kiss that stoked the already blazing inferno in my veins.

  Nick cut off our kiss before it got overly heated, but it didn’t matter. I leaned in and whispered, “Margarita,” into his ear, and he just looked at me and grinned while our audience went wild with cheering at our hot kiss.

  He leaned down close to me, and I felt his breath tickle my ear. “Surprise, baby. Happy engagement party. Wait for the key word. Soon.”

  And then we were attacked with hugs from loved ones and bids of congratulations and questions about wedding details. “When’s the big day?” “Where are you going to register?” “Have you thought about reception locations?” “Are you getting married in a church?” “Band or DJ?” “Where’s the honeymoon?” “Which designers do you like?” “Cake flavors?” “What about flowers? Don’t get lilies. They stink by the end of the day.” It was endless. Details I hadn’t even thought about were suddenly thrust to the forefront of my mind, and I was a bit overwhelmed. I’d been expecting a quiet night with my fiancé and my parents, not a full-blown party in our honor.

  My mom hugged me. “I hope it’s okay that it’s here at the Millers’ house. I know after what happened that it might be weird for you, but they have such a beautiful backyard, and Kathy offered, and how could I say no? We were going to do it at our house, but there’s so much more room here, and it’s like a second home anyway—”

  She was rambling, so I cut her off with a hug and a smile. “Mom, it’s fine. It’s perfect. Thank you.”

  Someone shoved a wine glass in my hand, and Nick was hauled off by his brother to the open bar set up in the corner of the yard. I had a feeling that this was much like our wedding reception would be; I’d always heard that the bride and groom never really spent any time together at their own reception, and we were already split apart two minutes into our party when all I wanted was to hear a damn “Margarita” out of his mouth.

  After mingling for a few minutes, my wine glass was empty, so I walked over to the bar, where I found Nick talking with my sister and Brandon. “What are you drinking?” I asked with a smile.

  “Margarita,” my sister said.

  I glanced at Nick, and I saw the corners of his mouth turn up with a secret smile. I smirked back at him.

  “A margarita sounds fantastic,” I said, looking pointedly at my handsome fiancé, “but I started with wine, so I’ll stick to that.”

  “Wine sounds good for now,” Nick said with a grin. “Maybe you can switch later.”

  “Switch to what?” I goaded, wanting him to say the word more than I’d ever wanted to hear any other word out of his mouth.

  “Whatever you want, baby,” he chuckled, leaning in to kiss my cheek.

  “Tease,” I whispered close to his ear, and then the bartender handed me my drink and Lucy walked up and dragged me to the dance floor.

  A little while later, I was chatting about wedding cakes, more specifically the merits of cream-cheese frosting versus buttercream, with Travis’s mother and sister when Lindsay walked up.

  “Lindsay,” Kathy said, affection for Travis’s new girlfriend clear in her eyes. Suddenly a little jealous, I wondered how long they’d known each other. “Have you and Julianne met?” she asked.

  Lindsay nodded. “Briefly, in San Diego. Nice to see you again, Julianne.”

  “You, too,” I murmured, struck with how pretty she was up close. She was my exact opposite, but she and Travis made a striking couple. And then I wondered where exactly Travis had disappeared off to.

  “Do you mind if I steal Julianne away for a few minutes?” Lindsay asked Kathy and Liz. They both shook their heads, and Lindsay motioned for me to come with her.

  I followed her inside the house where we’d have some privacy. The party was in full effect outside. I glanced around and saw people mingling, others dancing on the make-shift dance floor, and a bunch of people enjoying the open bar.

  I looked up and met her eyes once we were both inside and the door was closed behind us.

  “Congratulations on your engagement,” she said pointedly.

  “Thank you.”

  “I can see how happy you and Nick are together.”

  “And I can see how happy you make Travis.”

  “He makes me happy, too.”

  “He’s an amazing guy.”

  “I know he is.”

  “Are you in love with him?” I don’t know what made me blurt that out, but I suddenly had to know where she stood.

  “Are you?”

  I sighed. “
I’m in love with Nick.”

  “Travis isn’t your business anymore, Julianne.” Her voice had a hard edge to it.

  “He will always be a part of my life. He will always be my business.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I am more in love with him than I can even explain.”

  “Good,” I said. “I’m glad. Treat him right.”

  “I will.”

  “What did you want to talk to me about?” It was blunt, but there was a party in my honor going on outside, and she was taking me away from it.

  She took a deep breath, as if she was trying to control herself. “I know that your engagement party isn’t the place for the real conversation I want to have with you. So I’ll put on my nice girl panties. I know what Travis means to you. He will always have a place in his heart for you. I don’t like it, but I love him enough to trust him with it.”

  I narrowed my eyes at her, wanting to know what the “real” conversation she wanted to have was. More than likely, she wanted to hit me.

  The feeling was mutual.

  “I’m happy for both of you, then,” I said, not really meaning it. On the one hand, I was happy that Travis had found someone, even if she was a little spitfire that was making me feel uncomfortable at my own party. On the other hand, it was difficult seeing the living proof that Travis had moved on from me. My feelings were so conflicting and confusing. Something about my past with Travis had my heart holding onto him. I’d heard about people who never really got over their first love; but most of those people didn’t stay in touch with their first love. Most of those people weren’t family friends who went back over twenty years.

  How do you just erase something so permanent from your life?

  “I also wanted to let you know that the fact we’re here this weekend is a total coincidence,” Lindsay continued, breaking into my thoughts.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Travis surprised his family by bringing me here this weekend. He wanted to introduce me to his parents and his sister, and it was sort of a last-minute thing. We didn’t know that his mom was holding an engagement party for you.”

  That struck me by surprise, and I had to control my expression so the momentary flash of disappointment didn’t show. I thought Travis had made the effort for me, and maybe it was selfish of me to feel that way, but it hurt that he was only at my engagement party because of some twist of fate.

  I was being foolish and immature. I needed to get over it and, as Travis so eloquently told me in his voicemail, be happy with my fiancé and stop thinking about him. I wasn’t even sure why I was thinking about Travis. It was silly, and that thought was confirmed when Nick walked through the door, interrupting my private conversation with Lindsay.

  I looked at him gratefully. I wasn’t particularly enjoying my one-on-one time with the love of Travis’s life, even though I really did wish the best for Travis and I hoped that someday this wouldn’t all be so weird.

  But I couldn’t focus on any of that. All that I could focus on was Nick. I had a burn radiating through my body that started the moment I saw him in his suit earlier that evening, and the man who had just walked in the door was the only one who could alleviate the fire inside of me.

  “Nick, have you met Lindsay?” I said.

  He shook his head. “Nick Matthews,” he said, extending his hand to shake hers.

  “Lindsay Rhodes.”

  “Travis’s Lindsay, I presume?” he said, the deep timber of his voice humming through my body.

  She nodded.

  “Nice to meet you.” He smiled his panty-dropping smile at her, and I swear I saw a blush stain her cheeks as I realized that although he was way too much of a gentleman to ever admit it, Nick had to be ecstatic to meet the woman who took Travis’s attention off of me.

  “And you.”

  “Do you mind if I speak with Julianne?” he asked, effectively dismissing her.

  “Not at all,” she smiled at Nick, threw one last glance of disgust in my direction, and left.

  “What was that all about?” he asked after the door clicked shut behind her.

  “She just wanted to speak with me privately to let me know that she and Travis are doing well.”

  “Good.” We both knew there was more to it than his simple response, but I appreciated that he didn’t delve into it.

  “Is it time for margaritas?” I asked hopefully.

  Nick grinned that sinfully wicked smile at me, and I am pretty sure my panties melted right off of me. “Margaritas?”

  There it was. Finally. The key word. The secret word. The word that meant he was going to find a place to take me and have his way with me.

  Thank God.

  I grinned back at him. “With the party in full effect outside?”

  “Guess we’ll have to make it a quick one.”

  “Where?”

  “I’ve never been here before. Where’s a good private place?”

  No one had been in the house all night. When the Millers had first landscaped their backyard, they installed a restroom outside so that people using the pool could change. It was a convenience that extended to parties such as this one. There was no reason for us to be interrupted, but we were standing in the kitchen with its floor to ceiling windows looking out over the yard. I took his hand in mine and pulled him around the corner to the Millers’ front hall.

  It was dark and deserted and quiet and private, and the moment we were out of view of the windows, Nick’s lips found my neck as his hands slid up my thighs and under my dress to cup my ass. I groaned into him and arched my body to his, feeling his straining erection hardening against my belly.

  His lips slid across mine, his tongue parting my lips and entering my mouth in an erotic dance. Something about the way he kissed me always set me on fire, but with my already heightened state of arousal, I nearly let go into oblivion just from the way his mouth felt. He moaned when my hand found just how hard he was for me, and I cupped him in my hand as his hand came around the front and slid into my panties until he found just how wet I was for him.

  “Fuck, baby,” he murmured, and he pulled his hand away and quickly undid his belt and pants, lowering them just enough to get the job done.

  He put his hands back under my ass and hoisted me up. I wrapped my legs around him, and he pushed my panties to the side before thrusting powerfully into me.

  I mumbled incoherently as the fire in my veins finally felt some sense of relief at the friction he created as he moved me up and down. My body was lifted higher and higher, tensing up and working toward a titanic release. We grunted into each other, and we were both nearly there when we heard the patio door open and close. There was a noise in the kitchen, maybe a refrigerator opening and closing, indicating that someone was in there. Nick stilled inside of me, the lust in our eyes our only expression of the wildly erotic moment in the hallway. I felt him throbbing inside of me, and I had no way to indicate to him that I was about to splinter into an intense, loud orgasm. I knew that there was no way I could be silent. Maybe it was the exhibitionism of it all, and maybe it was because I had wanted this all night long; but whatever the case, it wasn’t far off, and we were trying to be discreet with someone in the kitchen right next to us.

  But that feeling of him inside of me, neither of us moving except for him pulsating as my body gripped him to me, was enough to send me over the edge.

  Thank God the door opened again and then closed, and it was silent in the kitchen just as my release hit me. I yelled out, physically unable to keep quiet just as I felt his warmth spread inside of me. A sexy roar grumbled up from his chest as he finished, and then we both stood panting in the hallway as we came down from our mutual orgasms. He stood buried inside of me, leaning his now sweaty forehead to mine. “God, I love you,” he whispered, and then his mouth found mine again and I was lost to the world for another moment with Nick.

  This was how I knew that it would only ever be him for the rest of my life. Nothing in my life before
him had ever come close to the emotions I felt in this simple, natural, carnal connection.

  CHAPTER 12

  TRAVIS MILLER

  I had been uncomfortable from the second I stepped foot into my parents’ house and saw the preparations underway for an engagement party. I knew immediately what was going on, and I regretted not calling first with our surprise visit.

  But we were already there, and leaving now would just make me look like a coward. It would show Lindsay that I wasn’t secure enough in what we had, and nothing could be further from the truth.

  In fact, I was already confident that Lindsay was the woman I was meant to spend the rest of my life with.

  So we stayed.

  We even helped.

  And I could see Lindsay becoming more and more uncomfortable as the afternoon turned to evening and we prepared for the party.

  My parents loved Lindsay right away, and they could easily see how right we were for one another. They could see how we worked well together and played off of each other’s strengths. And they could see the spark back in their only son’s eye as I gazed over at the girl who had captured more than just my attention.

  My parents were awesome, but they had a thing about allowing their adult children to sleep in the same bedroom as a significant other when we weren’t married. So after we arrived and I made the introductions, I showed Lindsay to the guest room that I was planning to join her in for the majority of the night anyway.

  She pulled me into her arms, and I wrapped myself around her. I loved how she was so short and compact and fit so perfectly into my arms.

  “I’ll miss you tonight, Tiger,” she said.

  I grinned and leaned down to press my lips to hers.

  “No you won’t,” I said against her mouth.

  She pulled back and looked up at me.

  “Like I’m going to sleep down the hall from you when I can hold this sexy body in my arms all night?”

  She smiled up at me, filling me with that feeling like everything was going to be okay even though we were going to have to face Julianne that night.