Since He Really Feels (He Feels) Read online

  I grinned. “McMillan who?”

  He grinned back. “You think this is nice? Wait until you see my office.”

  I giggled. “This is amazing.”

  Just then a good looking man popped his head in my office. He was no match for Nick in my eyes, but he was the epitome of tall, dark, and handsome. His dark eyes gave off an air of mystery, and he had the most chiseled cheekbones I’d ever seen in my life. His black hair was cut short on the sides but longer on top and was neat but casual. I had to catch my breath for a second in the presence of two good looking men in my office.

  “Cash,” Nick said. “This is Julianne. Today’s her first day, and she’s on our team.”

  “Julianne. A beautiful name for a beautiful lady,” he grinned, grasping my hand in his. My heart skipped a beat at his smile, and I felt immediately guilty for that in the presence of the man I was going to marry.

  I pushed it out of my mind as I shook his hand and then dropped it quickly. “Nice to meet you, Cash.”

  “Cash knows that we’re engaged,” Nick said, almost as if he was reiterating to Cash that I was taken.

  If that was true, why the hell was he being so boldly flirtatious in front of Nick?

  “We’re just getting to know the expertise of each member of the team, and we’ll be meeting later today to sort out some projects and discuss how this team is going to work,” Nick said to both of us.

  “Sounds great, boss. Would you like me to take Julianne around to introduce her to the rest of the team?” Cash asked.

  Shit, I hoped Nick declined that offer. I liked having Nick introduce me, and besides, I didn’t know this Cash guy well enough. He made me feel uncomfortable, and I wasn’t sure yet if it was because he had been so openly flirtatious or if it was because I liked it.

  “That would be great. I need to get my notes together for today’s meeting anyway. Julianne, enjoy your day and I’ll see you at noon in my office for our meeting. We’ll have a working lunch today.” Nick left my office and headed presumably toward his own.

  I set my purse in the empty bottom drawer of my desk and glanced around my new office. I had a bookcase all to myself. I was used to a cubicle, so it would take me some time to get used to all of this space.

  “Come,” Cash said, motioning for me to join him.

  I was suddenly nervous. I didn’t like his commanding presence and I didn’t like him telling me what to do.

  Cash walked out of the office ahead of me and turned to the right. He glanced into the office next to mine. “This is my office,” he said. Fantastic… right next door.

  We continued down the hall, and he poked his head into another office.

  The next office belonged to Kaylee, and then I was introduced to Christine, Jace, Autumn, and Derrick.

  The last office he took me into was Bree’s.

  “Hey, Bree. This is Julianne.”

  I was met with a woman who matched Cash in the looks department. She was tall, thin, and gorgeous, with flowing brunette hair curled into perfect waves and big brown eyes that looked shrewd and insightful. She looked more like a model than a marketing consultant.

  I had the impression that you basically had to be good looking to be hired with this company after meeting the rest of my team.

  She wore killer black heels that must’ve been at least four inches high and a red and black dress that accentuated her beautiful figure. I wondered if I was attractive enough to work in this place with people who looked like these two did.

  “Ah, the infamous Julianne.” I felt an immediate distaste in my mouth for her. Something about the way she hissed my name and used a word like “infamous” along with it made me immediately dislike her.

  “Infamous?” I asked, not one to take an insult lying down.

  “Yes. Nick has told us all so much about you.”

  “Good things, I hope.”

  “But of course,” she said, her big eyes glaring in my general direction. What the fuck? I didn’t even know this person, and she was already acting like this. Probably just another woman who was after my fiancé, but he was coming home to me. And it would do Bree well to remember that.

  “Nice to meet you,” I said, hoping that Cash would take the cue to move on. He did.

  Cash walked me into Nick’s office last, which was all the way at the end of the hallway, furthest from my own office. I wondered if Nick had done that on purpose or if it had just worked out that way, and I hated the fact that his office was right next to Bree’s.

  Nick’s office took up the entire end of the hall; he had two corners and wraparound windows. It was pretty freaking incredible. His desk was made of granite and wood, and built in bookcases lined the one wall that wasn’t made of windows. There was a huge conference table with ten chairs around it standing in front of that incredible desk, and I presumed that was where we would hold our team meetings, even though Cash had shown me a different conference room on the tour.

  I was floored by how extravagant the facilities were.

  And what floored me even more was seeing how stunning Nick looked behind that sexy desk. He was deep in concentration as he tapped away at his iPad, and I couldn’t help but stop and stare at him.

  How in the world did I get so lucky? I was going to marry this man. I was going to have children with him someday. I was going to spend the rest of my life loving him.

  He glanced up and caught me staring, and even after everything we had been through together, I blushed like a girl with a crush. Was it so wrong to have a serious crush on the man you were going to marry? And in that moment, I really felt like whatever stupid tension and arguments we had been working through would pass. I knew that no matter what, we’d end up happy together. Our love had already proven to be strong enough to overcome so many obstacles, and I knew that together we’d fight whatever else life threw at us.

  I wish I could say that I loved BKG after my first day, but I couldn’t. I loved the job, and I loved my office. And I loved my boss. Literally. But I wasn’t too keen on my coworkers. I wasn’t sure that I fit in with them. They were all high class, and I was an average girl who liked to go home and put on sweatpants after a hard day at work. I imagined them sitting around in their designer clothes after work, sipping expensive wine out of crystal goblets while I chugged it directly from a bottle with a screw cap.

  And the worst part of it all was that Nick fit right in with them. He fit in with their good looks, their expensive tastes, their outfits. They had inside jokes and had already bonded, and I felt like the outsider. Maybe it was because I started a day later than I was supposed to. Or maybe it was because I was engaged to marry the boss and they thought that was why I had been hired. Whatever the case, I didn’t get the warm fuzzies from these people, despite Cash’s best efforts to show me around. Even he rubbed me the wrong way as he flirted with me throughout our day together. I felt uncomfortable, and I missed McMillan already. I missed working with Lucy and Holly, girls who had become my best friends. I couldn’t ever see myself chatting with Bree, Autumn, Christine, or Kaylee like I did with Lucy and Holly. I couldn’t imagine throwing out ideas in team meetings with Jace, Derrick, and Cash the way I had with my team at McMillan. I was seriously intimidated by these people, and it was already stifling my creativity.

  Bree was sitting at the table directly next to Nick when I arrived. Nick was at the head of the table, and I didn’t want to be the girl who had to sit by her man even though I longed for that brush of his knee against mine. I took a seat a few chairs away from Nick, and he gave me a funny look. And then I briefly wondered if Bree’s knee would be brushing his instead of mine. I hated her. I didn’t know her, and I knew it was irrational, but I fucking hated her.

  Our working lunch meant Nick ordered in for all of us. We had our pick of soups, salads, and sandwiches, but with these supermodel types, I felt like I couldn’t stuff myself like I wanted to. I hoped the boss would get to take the leftovers home so we’d have a delicious dinner, but at
lunch, I opted for a salad.

  Nick ran the meeting, munching on a sandwich as we shared ideas for some upcoming campaigns and we each discussed our strengths. Of course Cash chose social media, which had been my niche at McMillan. I had absolutely zero desire to work closely with him after how uncomfortable he’d made me feel throughout the day.

  “That’s also Julianne’s field,” Nick said, winking at me. I blushed, which only served to mortify me further.

  “That’s where most of my experience lies,” I clarified. “But put me wherever you need me. If Cash wants social media, that’s fine with me.”

  “No reason we can’t both do it,” Cash said. “I’d love to work with you on new ideas.”

  I nodded my consent, hating the idea but not sure how else to respond.

  “I don’t necessarily want any of you focusing on just one piece of the puzzle, but it helps to know where your strengths lie,” Nick said, and I felt a rush of relief.

  The day ended with an invitation from Nick for happy hour. I didn’t want to go; I’d had enough of these people throughout my day, but I didn’t want to piss off my boss/fiancé. I was, once again, starting to see the value in McMillan’s strict “No Dating” policy. I loved working with Nick. He was an amazing boss, and he was creative and intelligent and sexy. But since he was my boss, I wasn’t comfortable discussing my coworkers or my uneasiness. Normally I talked about those kinds of things with whoever I was dating, but it felt strange bringing it up when the man in my life was also my superior at work.

  So I found myself at a bar after my first day on the job with most of the members of my new team, minus Jace, Christine, and Kaylee. Cash informed me that every Tuesday was group happy hour. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that; I didn’t want to commit to hanging out with these people after work every week, but I wanted to try to form some sort of bond with them since I’d have to work with them on a daily basis. And if Nick would be there, I was in. I already had my concerns about Nick and Bree after our lunch meeting, and any time I could keep an eye on him in her presence was fine by me.

  It was jealous and possessive, but I didn’t give one tiny little fuck. He was mine, and I was going to make sure that Bree knew that.

  Bree, Autumn, Derrick, and Cash were already drinking red wine when Nick and I arrived – separately – so we could each drive our own cars home. It was at that moment that I’d wished I hadn’t taken a stand that morning. It would’ve been nice to have a designated driver after the day I’d had.

  Of course, the seat next to Bree was open. She patted the seat while making eye contact with my fiancé, so he obediently sat. I was sandwiched across the table from him between Autumn and Cash – not my first choice in seating arrangements, and I knew that whole theory of always sitting in the same seat when you entered a room. My fear was that every week, Nick would end up next to Bree and I would end up next to Cash. I wasn’t comfortable with either of those seating arrangements.

  I knew I was being irrational; Nick was committed to me and our relationship. Deep down, I knew that he didn’t have eyes for anyone else, but Bree was gorgeous. Rubbing her beauty in his face wasn’t necessary. He didn’t need the temptation.

  I preferred white wine to red, but peer pressure made me order red just to help me fit in and feel like one of the group. Nick ordered a beer, and I loved him a little more in that moment for just being himself even when I couldn’t.

  “So, Julianne,” Cash said casually. “When are you getting married?”

  “Possibly the end of July,” I replied automatically. I thought back to our somewhat contentious conversation that morning, when Nick had pushed for setting a date. I glanced across the table at Nick, who was laughing at something Bree was saying, and I suddenly wondered what had made me want to wait. I wanted to marry him now. Today. This very minute. I was so crazy in love with him, and after all of the trials and tribulations we had been through to get to this place, we deserved our very own happy ending. I wasn’t going to let anything stand in our way. Not Travis. Not myself. Not Nick. And certainly not some bitch from work who was currently making my man laugh.

  “Soon, then,” Cash was saying as I pondered my relationship and came to some pretty big realizations about how stupid I had been acting.

  I loved him.

  Plain and simple.

  I wanted to be with him and only him forever, and while the road to get there had been paved with heartache and hurt, we had made it past all of that. It was time to move on, to get over the past, and to start planning our wedding and our future together.

  I took a sip of my wine as Cash said, “So what are the chances of getting you into my bed before you’ve got a wedding band on that finger?”

  Wine sprayed out of my mouth and all over the table as the wineglass fell out of my hand, bounced off of my dress, and shattered to the floor. My first thought was Thank God I wore black.

  What an incredibly inappropriate question to ask a colleague engaged to the boss.

  Cash grinned as I sat momentarily shocked. It felt like time stood still for a second as everyone reacted to my clumsiness, no one else having heard what Cash had just said to me and assuming that I was just a total klutz.

  “Are you okay, Julianne?” I heard Nick ask from across the table. I lifted my head and met his eyes, and I glanced over at Bree, only to find a smirk on her stupid beautiful face.

  “I’m fine,” I muttered.

  I stood up, totally flustered and feeling like even more of a fool in the presence of all of these supermodel coworkers of mine, and I gathered the shattered pieces of glass as a waitress came over to help me. She handed me a rag so I could soak up the liquid from my dress as she cleaned the floor. Another waitress brought me a new glass of wine, which clearly I needed now with my shaky hands and complete mortification. And once the mess had been cleaned and the excitement had died down and everyone returned to their happy hour conversations, Cash’s question reappeared in my mind as he gazed at me with a grin.

  “So?” he asked.

  I took a deep breath and spoke quietly. “I’m not going to dignify that with a response, Cash.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I’m engaged to the man of my dreams. I won’t do anything to jeopardize what I have with him.” I realized that I should’ve qualified that statement by saying that I wouldn’t do anything else to jeopardize what I had with Nick, but Cash didn’t need to know our recent history of fighting. My resolve was firm, even though Cash’s dark, mysterious eyes stared at me with an air of lust. He was smoking hot, and it was a compliment to me that he wanted me in his bed, even though the way he had gone about propositioning me was rude and offensive.

  His grin widened. “Gotcha,” he said.

  I looked at him in confusion.

  “I was just pulling your chain.”

  “What?” My ego deflated a bit.

  “To be perfectly honest, I’d rather bed your fiancé than you.”

  “What?” I repeated like an idiot. That comment didn’t just deflate my ego. It poked a massive hole in it and completely collapsed it.

  “Julianne, I’m not into women.”

  I stared at him in utter shock. “You’re gay?” I never would’ve guessed that turn of events. It was a sad day for womankind that this fine specimen was off the market.

  He nodded.

  “Then why did you just invite me to your bed?” I whispered harshly.

  “I’m in a book club,” he said matter-of-factly, as if that should explain everything.

  “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “We’ve been reading these erotic novels with intense men who say things like that to these women who just swoon over them. I wanted to see what would happen if I said something like that.”

  I giggled, at once offended and finding the situation completely hilarious. “I have to say, it’s not the best method for getting a woman to sleep with you. Have you done this before?”

  He laughed and n
odded. “Bree accepted my invitation.”

  “That doesn’t shock me,” I muttered.

  “What?”

  He hadn’t heard my comment, which was probably for the best.

  “Nothing. So how many women have you invited to your bed?”

  He shrugged. “A few. You are the first to shatter a wine glass.”

  “My bad.”

  He laughed loudly as I giggled, and I suddenly felt more comfortable with Cash since I knew a little more about him. It gave me a glimmer of hope that working at BKG wouldn’t be so bad; at least I had one ally now. I glanced up at Nick, who stopped midsentence as his eyes met mine.

  I smiled at him, and he resumed his conversation with Bree, his eyes not leaving mine for a moment. I wondered if Nick knew Cash was gay and if that was why he hadn’t cared earlier when Cash had been overly flirtatious. It all suddenly made sense.

  As our happy hour group paid our bills and gathered up our things to head home, Nick informed me that he had to head back to the office to wrap up some things and to prepare for the next day. I wanted to kiss him goodbye, but it didn’t feel right in front of our coworkers. I left feeling a void from our lack of contact.

  I watched basketball with Josh until Nick walked in the door a little after 8:00. “Sorry I’m so late,” he said as he pulled me into his arms.

  He pressed a gentle kiss to my lips, not wanting to get too intimate in front of his brother, but even that sweet, gentle connection fired up everything inside of me. Every time he touched me was like the first time; shocking and electric and sexy.

  “I missed you,” he murmured close to my ear, and I absolutely melted. It was almost a little ridiculous what this man could do to me.

  CHAPTER 8

  NICK MATTHEWS

  I loved everything about kissing Julianne, but I especially loved the way she always smelled like fresh peaches. It was her shampoo, and maybe I should turn in my man card for admitting this, but sometimes when I was in the shower, I would open the bottle and breathe in the scent of the woman I was going to marry.

  I loved her so much that it was sometimes painful. I didn’t want her to hurt, and that’s why I issued what she referred to as “The Ultimatum.” I knew that having Travis in her life was toxic to our relationship. I wasn’t trying to be a dick about it, but I was so damn tired of the same fight. She was obsessed with getting Travis back into her life, and I understood the need for friendship. Hell, I had some great friends in my own life that I knew I couldn’t live without.