Since He Really Feels (He Feels) Page 22

  “Hey, Jules.” His voice was warm and soft and familiar.

  “I hear congratulations are in order.”

  “Thanks.”

  “When?”

  “December 5.”

  “This year?”

  “Yeah.”

  “When did you propose?”

  “A little over a week ago.”

  I couldn’t believe I was just hearing about it now, but, then, I’d sort of been in my own little wedding planning world for the past couple of weeks. And I distinctly remembered missing a call from my mom and never calling her back, and another one from my sister. So, basically, it was my own fault.

  “I wanted to be the one to tell you, Jules. But I didn’t want to do it over the phone.”

  Once I thought about it, I realized that it was kind of cowardly for him to let Nick be the one to tell me.

  “It’s okay,” I said, even though it wasn’t.

  “So I’ll see you at the meeting tomorrow?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I’ve missed you.”

  “I have missed you, too, Trav. So many big life changes for us both. It’s just weird to go through this stuff without you.”

  “I’ve always been here. And I always will be.”

  I knew he would be, but not the way he always had been. He couldn’t be. He couldn’t put me first in his life anymore, not when there was another woman who he was going to marry. “I know,” I eventually said, because I didn’t know what else to say.

  There was an awkward pause, and then he said, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  We said goodbye and hung up, and I stared at my phone for a moment, lost in thought about how short our conversation had been after months of no contact.

  Travis could tell me over the phone that he would always be there for me, but that conversation proved to me that it just wasn’t true. Our friendship had never once held awkward silences or moments where we didn’t know what to say to each other. But our friendship was different now, and as much as I knew that I needed to admit that, I just didn’t want to. I wanted to go back in time, six months earlier, and completely change the decisions I had made.

  Unfortunately, that wasn’t an option. I had to live with the mistakes I’d made, the mistakes we’d all made, because I didn’t have another choice.

  I picked a florist at random and scanned the contract, emailing it off, and then I joined my fiancé downstairs.

  I heated up some homemade soup I had made earlier in the week and paired it with crusty bread for dinner. Once we were seated, I decided to drop a tiny bomb of my own on Nick.

  “I made some plans for your birthday. Can you keep next weekend clear?”

  He glanced up at me. “What kind of plans?”

  “It’s a surprise. But I’m taking you out of town.”

  He raised both eyebrows. “The lady has made plans. Are you driving?”

  “Well if I let you drive, I’ll have to tell you where we’re going.”

  “Is it a long ride or a short one?”

  “You’re not getting any details out of me.”

  “I just need to know how many sedatives to take before we go.”

  “Very funny.” I glared over at him. He chuckled, thinking he was pretty cute insulting my driving.

  CHAPTER 32

  TRAVIS MILLER

  I was ready to have my best friend back in my life.

  As I sat in the conference room waiting for Julianne and Nick to show up, I couldn’t help but think how differently things could have turned out.

  It all went back to one night about a month earlier.

  Things had been going fine for us. It was actually Spencer of all people who made Lindsay realize how short life was.

  Lindsay’s ex worked in the same office as me, and meetings had been tense to say the least since he had discovered that I was the new man in Lindsay’s life.

  I’d been traveling back and forth between Phoenix and San Diego as I started making the transition from architect to the CEO and acting president of a major company. I had a lot to learn, but I was well-versed in the company as well as my father’s style of business, so I picked concepts up quickly.

  I didn’t tell Julianne when I was in town out of respect for Lindsay. I didn’t want Lindsay to think for even one second that she had any type of competition, and it was a night when I was away and we were talking on the phone that she revealed some things to me that showed me that she was ready to make the move.

  That conversation changed everything for us.

  “I saw Spencer today.” Her voice was flat, and I suddenly understood her irrational jealousy a little better.

  “Why?”

  “He texted me a few days ago to let me know he found some of my things.”

  “So you went to pick them up? Without me?”

  “I didn’t feel like witnessing Spencer’s beat down.”

  “Good try, Gorgeous.”

  “How do you always know?”

  “That you’re lying?”

  “That I’m leaving something out.”

  “It’s the only time you compliment my strength.”

  She giggled, and then she sighed.

  “So how did it go?” I pressed.

  She was quiet.

  “Lindsay?”

  “Trav, he was a mess,” she said, her voice quiet and laced with pain.

  “I know.”

  “Has he been that bad at work?”

  I chose my words carefully. “He’s okay at work because he’s focused on work.”

  “But at home…” she trailed off, and I thought I heard her sniffle.

  “Yeah. At home he doesn’t have the same distractions work provides.”

  “I think he might have a problem with alcohol,” she blurted, followed by a definite sniffle.

  “Why?”

  “He was drunk, which didn’t seem out of the ordinary, but when I went to throw something away, I saw four empty bottles of whiskey in the trash. And there were a whole bunch of new bottles lined up on his kitchen counter.”

  “I haven’t noticed anything like that at work, but I haven’t seen much of him. I’ll get Dan on it.”

  “I would appreciate that. Trav?”

  “Yeah, babe?”

  “I love you.”

  I smiled into the phone. “I love you, too.”

  “Seeing him like that made me realize something.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Life’s too short to waste time.”

  “I could have told you that.”

  “You did tell me that. But it made me realize how much I love you and how much I want to be with you.”

  I hated being away from her. I wanted to hold her in my arms and slip my fingers under her shirt to feel the smooth, soft skin of her back. But she was six hours away. I didn’t know what to say, and just when I opened my mouth to speak, she continued.

  “Wherever that may be.”

  “Wherever?” I asked sharply. We’d done a fairly good job of avoiding the subject of my impending move. I wasn’t officially moving for three more weeks, and the thought of moving without her was scaring the shit out of me. But I wasn’t going to press it. I was going to let her decide when she was ready. My strategy had been to just love her the only way I knew how to, and if it was meant to be for us, it would be enough.

  Apparently it had been enough.

  “Wherever,” she repeated.

  “Does that mean what I think it means?” I asked.

  She laughed. “Yes. I’m moving with you.”

  “Holy shit, Lindsay!”

  “I know! Oh wait. Fuck.”

  My heart stopped at those words. “What?” What the fuck was wrong?

  “I need to start packing!” she laughed.

  As I sat in the conference room shortly thereafter, the move complete and Lindsay my bride-to-be, I couldn’t help the erection forming in my pants as the end of that phone conversation made its way back into my mind. />
  We had celebrated with some really hot phone sex, and as I stroked myself while I listened to her moans through the phone, I could not wait to be home to celebrate with her in person.

  And all that served to do was remind me of the night we got engaged. While the phone sex had been hot and the celebratory “We’re Moving to Phoenix” sex had been amazing, nothing even came close to the night we got engaged.

  It was our first official night in our new house, and it was just like I’d pictured it.

  My parents had kicked in our down payment, so things happened quickly. My dad called it a perk of the job, but I knew it was to help us set down roots close to them as we started new careers and a new life together.

  The house was four thousand square feet of fucking sweetness, and the kitchen had enough granite countertops to throw Lindsay across it, lick every inch of her skin, and stand and fuck her while she sat on the countertop.

  And sure enough, every single time I passed the place where we’d done it right after she accepted my proposal, I smiled at the memory.

  I was ripped from my thoughts as my dad popped by the conference room to let me know that Nick and Julianne were in the lobby.

  CHAPTER 33

  JULIANNE BECKER

  I’ll admit that I was nervous for the meeting with Travis the next day. I took my time to curl my hair. I put on my yellow dress that made me feel bright and cheery. I needed all of the positivity I could get.

  We had to go after five o’clock since Nick was still working at BKG, so I met him in the parking lot at Miller Designs.

  I spotted Jack’s car right away, and then I saw Travis’s Silverado. Nick wasn’t there yet. I glanced at the clock, and I was five minutes early. I sat in my car and waited rather than face the Miller men alone.

  Nick arrived exactly on time, and we headed into the building together. He held my hand possessively, and something about that irritated me. Everyone knew I belonged to him. I brushed away my irritation, drawing in a calming breath and reminding myself that he had every right to feel insecure despite his proclamations that he was fine with everything.

  We checked in and then sat, waiting for Jack and Travis to meet us in the lobby. I spotted him the moment he walked through the doors. His face broke out into a grin when he spotted us. I stood, and Nick grabbed my hand again. I saw Trav’s eyes flick to our joined hands.

  “Hey, Jules,” he said, leaning in for a hug and a friendly kiss on the cheek. Nick shook his hand, and then he turned and led us to a conference room for our meeting.

  Nick pulled out his iPad, ready for business, and meanwhile I couldn’t stop staring at Trav. He looked different.

  He looked happy.

  He looked like a man who was in love, whose love was returned.

  He had this internal light that I’d never seen in him before.

  In other words, he looked good.

  He was still the Travis I’d known my entire life, but he belonged to someone else now. And as I sat in the meeting trying to focus on business, designs, and logos, that was all I could focus on. I needed to be happy for Travis. If I was the friend I wanted to be, and if I valued the friendship I claimed that we shared for all of those years, then I needed to let go of the past and support Travis in his future.

  Just as I would expect him to.

  In a fantasy world where our friendship was the only history we shared.

  I sighed at the direction of my thoughts, and both men turned to look at me. “What?”

  “Are we boring you?” Travis asked, only serving to make me feel like a petulant, reprimanded child.

  “Sorry,” I muttered, trying to focus on our meeting.

  Nick showed Travis the logos we’d designed together, and Travis loved them. I knew he would because I knew his style – sleek and modern with a touch of intrigue. We just needed Jack’s final approval, and then we’d get started on the actual rebranding, working with the other departments and outside companies to replace the older logos wherever they were currently being used.

  I was distracted, and I knew it.

  I somehow managed to get through that meeting. Judging from the way the men were acting, apparently I was the only one who sensed the total awkwardness in the room. I had to get over that, or we were never going to be able to successfully work together.

  CHAPTER 34

  NICK MATTHEWS

  Julianne was obviously uncomfortable, but something about the knowledge that Travis was engaged set me completely at ease. I knew for sure now that his feelings for Julianne were in the past; I wasn’t sure the same could be said for the woman I was planning to marry.

  I glanced at her at one point during our meeting and saw her eyes glued to Travis. He and I were running the meeting, and suddenly I wondered if it had been a mistake to bring her. She had to get used to working with him; going through this rebranding was one thing, but I had planned on her being the central marketing contact for Miller Designs while I focused my attention on gaining new clients. As we sat in that meeting, I wasn’t sure if she was going to be able to handle that. I wasn’t sure that she was over what had happened between them.

  I wasn’t sure whether or not she was in love with him.

  And it was that last part that alarmed me the most. I could deal with their history. I could handle the fact that they’d had sex. I could get past a lot of things, but I couldn’t compete with love. Either she loved me more or she loved him more, and frankly I was tired of trying to figure it out.

  And that was why the news of Travis and Lindsay’s impending nuptials was the best news I’d heard in a long time.

  He would always hold a piece of her heart; I got that. I understood that. I could live with that. But if he held a bigger piece than I did, we had a problem.

  I didn’t think we had a problem until I was sitting in that meeting, watching the look on her face as she gazed at Travis. I wondered what she was thinking, what she was feeling.

  She caught me looking at her, and she smiled. That provided some measure of comfort, but I wasn’t used to feeling insecure with the woman in my life. Sure, I’d been cheated on and I’d had some rough times in my past, but typically the women were the ones who chased after me – not the other way around. As that thought struck me, I wondered if that was why I loved Julianne so much. She hadn’t come easily into my life (or my bed). I’d never had to work so hard at a relationship, and I wondered if that was part of what made her so important to me. Maybe I just never wanted to work so hard at a relationship.

  I thought about the trip she was taking me on the following weekend. I didn’t know where we were going, and it didn’t matter. The point was that she was taking me. We’d work through this, just like we’d worked through so much in the past six months.

  She was worth it.

  The following weekend, I heaved the cooler into the backseat of my car. It was filled with beer and water – the only two things we really needed for a road trip.

  Julianne was driving my car. My baby. I beamed with pride as my eyes roved over the perfect exterior. Not a damn scratch, and now I was letting her drive it. To say I was nervous for our impending trip was an understatement.

  It felt strange to sit in the passenger seat of my own car, especially with the maniac I was marrying in the driver’s seat. Julianne’s dad had volunteered to wax her car over the weekend, and we weren’t about to turn down that offer; so that meant taking my car.

  We drove north, hitting the I-17 and continuing for over an hour. I had some ideas where she might be taking me, and when the mountains started turning to the famous red rocks, I had a feeling we were headed to Sedona, Arizona. Two hours after we left, we pulled into a hotel parking lot, and my hunch was confirmed.

  “Sedona?” I grinned over at her. Her long, blonde hair shined in the sunlight streaming through the window, and it was one of those moments when my breath caught in my throat at her beauty. Her eyes were hidden behind sunglasses, but I knew the blue of her irises would be
sparkling back at me. She was perfect, and she didn’t even know it.

  I was hit with an immediate need to be inside of her. I’d slept with my share of women in my life, but not one even came close to comparing to how I felt when I was inside of Julianne Becker. And that was what told me that she was the woman for me. I think I’d sensed it from the moment we had met, but things just got in our way for awhile. I was committed now to ensuring that nothing else got in our way.

  We checked in and headed up to our room. I unloaded the cooler and opened a beer, handing it wordlessly to Julianne before opening another one for myself. Our patio had a loveseat on it, so we sat together on the patio and stared out at our view for awhile, enjoying the peace and tranquility of a weekend retreat in the mountains as Julianne rested her head against my chest and I held her close in my arms.

  “So what’s the plan?” I asked.

  “Relaxation, beer, wine, food, hiking… and maybe a few surprises.”

  “What about sex?”

  She smiled wickedly over at me. “What about it?”

  “Want to have some?”

  “Like now?”

  I nodded, sending her a hopeful smile.

  “Oh fuck yeah.”

  I grinned and stood, pulling her up with me. She gazed up into my eyes, and I felt the love that I had for her burning inside of me. Out on our patio and even in our room, it was just the two of us, and those were the moments when I was assured that we were perfect together.

  My mouth found hers, and I felt her tongue cross into my mouth and twist with my own. Her hands scratched their way up my back, something that always managed to make me even harder than I already was.

  I backed her into our room, our mouths never disconnecting. We walked until the back of her knees hit the bed, and then I laid her down gently and took the top. Something about having this gorgeous woman under me as I took control over her nearly made me lose control.

  She moaned throatily, causing my dick to tighten painfully. I liked taking things slowly with her, cherishing her body and showing her how much I loved her, but this day was different. We had all weekend to take things slow. Right now, I didn’t want slow.